Bedraggled Swamp Hag Takes a Flight

Bedraggled Swamp Hag shuffles within the confinement of her minimal leg room, economy class airplane seat as she brushes the crumbs from the complimentary airline pretzels off her lap and chest.
She digs the more adventurous crumbs out of her bra as she glances around to ensure that none of her fellow flight passengers catch a glimpse of tit during the crumb-bra extraction process.
It’s okay, Bedraggled Swamp Hag assures herself, as she takes out her compact mirror to inspect the damage and wipes the crumbs from the corners of her mouth; this is a long-haul flight and no-one, I mean, no-one looks good during a long-haul flight.

Bedraggled Swamp Hag looks around for the bar cart, and then she sees HER… Sitting in the aisle seat, two rows back, Miss Seat 24C is long-haul perfection – her makeup is flawless; her hair sleek, shiny, mermaid-y. She’s not at all swampy, not at all haggy. It’s like seeing a mirage.

Bedraggled Swamp Hag is not happy. In fact, she is a little Green with envy as she had wrongly concluded that long-haul flights flattered no-one.
She cracks her knuckles in preparation, takes out her compact once more and removes her most powerful weapons from her carry on – tinted moisturizer? Check! Mascara? Check! Lipstick? Check! Hair Brush? Check!
You see, Bedraggled Swamp Hag brushes up okay, if she puts a little effort into it.

Bedraggled Swamp Hag transforms into Picasso, her bare face the canvas.
She works her cosmetic magic, dancing the applicators around her face in a manner rather graceful for a Bedraggled Swamp Hag.
She puts away her tools upon completion and inspects her masterpiece – Eye makeup is elegant, lips are perfectly Pink, Hair is sleek and Mermaid-y.
Eat that, Miss Seat 24C.

Bedraggled Swamp Hag sips her bar cart Wine, pleased to regain her femininity and join the leagues of Miss Seat 24C, a Bedraggled Swamp Hag no more – Let Economy Class rejoice!
The Wine goes down smoothly; just a few more hours to go until the plane reaches its’ destination, she reaches for the remote and cozies down into her chair to watch a movie…

Chaos! Bedraggled Swamp Hag is woken with a start! She had fallen asleep during the movie and the plane has already landed!
Mr Important next to her is disgruntled, trying to usher her out of the way so that he can retrieve his bag from the overhead locker, and make his dinner commitments.

Bedraggled Swamp Hag exits the plane and proceeds through to Immigration.

Oh my word! Bedraggled Swamp Hag catches a glimpse of something horrible!
A clown like Woman is ambling towards her. Bedraggled Swamp Hag recoils in horror and uses her hands to shield her face.
Looking directly at this creature would be like looking into the eyes of Medusa and could surely have no positive consequences!

Bedraggled Swamp Hag at least takes solace in the fact that she is not the only one who is not effortlessly flawless during a long flight.

The creature comes closer.

Its’ hair protrudes wildly from its’ head like a Lion – could this be an additional member of the Supremes?

Plane drooling has caused the creature’s makeup to run, Lipstick smudges cover its’ chin and Mascara has ran from the creature’s eyes making it look like a Panda.

The gangling Clown Woman is on the approach… Bedraggled Swamp Hag gasps! It is not a hideous approacher but a mirror!
Her makeup is no longer flawless, her hair no longer Mermaid-y. What on Earth could have happened to her during that short nap? A Bedraggled Swamp Hag once more!

The Immigration Men are all glancing in Bedraggled Swamp Hag’s direction, giggling like School Boys, expressions of awe on their faces.
Bedraggled Swamp Hag still got it!
It isn’t as bad as she thought! It isn’t…. Oh…
Standing next to Bedraggled Swamp Hag is Miss Seat 24C in all her Mermaid-y glory. She swishes her hair and smiles.

Disgruntled, Bedraggled Swamp Hag slaps her passport down at the Immigration counter and peers around her surroundings as the Official tries to correlate the pouty photograph with the ghastly being before him.
As Miss 24C breezes through, Men’s eyes in tow, Bedraggled Swamp Hag catches the eye of another – A Kin!

The Lady in the line opposite seems not to have noticed the Chocolate pudding around her mouth, the Chocolate pudding on her forehead for that matter – how does that even happen? Her hair wild, her face bare. Bedraggled Swamp Hag and her new friend look at Miss Seat 24C and then turn back at each other, giving a knowing and supportive nod.

It’s not easy, long haul flights and trying to maintain some level of attractiveness.

For all the Women who travel with their imperfections bared.


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